


Saudade

by HuiLian



Series: Untranslatable [10]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman and Robin (Comics), DCU (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Gen, I'm Sorry, YeetDC2020, oh god so much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:00:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24373162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HuiLian/pseuds/HuiLian
Summary: Saudade (Portuguese): The feeling of longing for something or someone that you love and which is lost.orDick and Damian have a conversation within a conversation.
Relationships: Dick Grayson & Damian Wayne
Series: Untranslatable [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/966711
Comments: 10
Kudos: 118





	Saudade

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LittleDarlingDevil](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleDarlingDevil/gifts).



> thanks to LittleDarlingDevil for the prompt! sorry for the angst????   
> enjoy!

“Do you miss it?” Dick asked. It was just him and Damian at the Cave tonight. Bruce was on a business trip, Alfred with him, and the rest of their family have their own cases to tend to. Bruce asked Dick to cover Gotham for a few nights, and so here he was, alone with Damian. 

And he did  _ not _ just ask that. How did that slip out? Dick opened his mouth to brush off the question, but then Damian said, “Miss what, Grayson?” Oh no. Damian already heard it. No backing out now. 

Those days with me, Dick almost said. He didn’t miss the responsibilities he had taken up during that time, but by god he missed the kid next to him. He hoped, no, he knew leaving was the right choice. Damian and Bruce needed to build their own relationship, they needed to make their own Batman and Robin, and Dick being there, being able to undermine Bruce, would not do them any favors. It was the right choice. It didn’t mean it wasn’t painful, leaving Damian like that. It didn’t mean he didn’t miss Damian. 

“Your mother,” Dick eventually said. Talia seemed like a safe enough bet, ironic as it was. “The League. Your time with them.” 

Damian looked up to him. The boy had an uncanny ability to read people, or maybe he just had an uncanny ability to read Dick. Dick hoped what he was thinking earlier didn’t show. 

A little tilt of Damian’s head told Dick that his brother knew there was something else to the question, but didn’t know yet what that something else is. Maybe Dick also had an uncanny ability to read Damian. 

Damian took some time before answering, as if trying to figure out what Dick actually meant by the question, but he eventually said, “Sometimes.” He shrugged. “I know I shouldn’t. But I still do. Sometimes.” 

Dick wanted to bring Damian to his arms, to reassure him that missing his mother is perfectly okay, but he knew that the moment he touched Damian, Damian would know exactly what he actually wants to ask. So he settled with asking, “What do you miss about them?”

“If I were good, if I exceeded their expectations, Mother would cook for me.” A small, sad smile grew on Damian’s lips. Dick almost looked away, not wanting to intrude a memory clearly cherished by Damian. “Not the regimented meals every member of the League ate. She would  _ cook _ for me. It tasted better than what even world-class chefs would cook.” 

Damian took a deep breath. Dick wanted to stop him, to tell him to keep those memories, to tell him that he didn’t need to share them, but he knew very little about Damian’s life before he met him, and what he knew was full of horrible things no child should ever go through. This little tidbit of  _ good memories _ in the middle of so many bad ones, this Dick had to know. If only to reassure himself that Damian  _ had _ good memories. 

“And if I were  _ very _ good, if I leaped over their expectations, then I could spend the night with Mother. I would wake the next morning with her arms around me.” 

That did it. Not caring anymore whether Damian could tell that this wasn’t the question Dick was actually asking, Dick pulled Damian into an embrace. Telling him, if only in action, that to get Dick’s arms around him, Damian need only ask. No exceeding expectations necessary. 

“You know you are allowed to miss her, right?” Dick said. 

“Yes. You have told me that before.” Damian’s voice sounded aloof, as if he didn’t care what was happening, but Dick could feel Damian’s arms rising and reciprocating the embrace. Dick tightened his in response. “What is this actually about, Grayson?” 

Damn. Dick should have known. Damian really was too good at reading Dick. 

“Hmm. Just needed to reassure something, kiddo.” Dick would  _ not _ tell Damian what he was actually thinking. The kid didn’t need that kind of pressure, not with Bruce all alive and well and in Gotham. Dick wouldn’t lie either, because Damian would really know something is wrong if Dick outright lied, and because Dick had promised himself, when he took Damian in, that he wouldn’t lie to Damian. Not for something like this, anyways. 

Damian pulled away from the embrace. Dick let him, thinking Damian had had enough. But Damian only pulled away enough to be able to look at him.

“Do you? Miss something too?” Damian asked. 

How was this kid that good? 

“I miss a lot of things, Damian.” 

Damian kept looking at him. Dick didn’t dare look away. 

Dick didn’t know what Damian saw in him, but the kid eventually scoffed, and pulled Dick back into the tight embrace they had earlier. Dick didn’t mind. 

They stayed there for a while, not one word spoken. Dick could be forgiven for thinking the conversation was over, and the sense of relief that he felt because Damian didn’t figure out what he actually meant by the question before could also be forgiven. But then, a small voice, almost inaudible, said, “I miss a lot of things too, Grayson.” 

That took his breath away, because Damian  _ knew _ . Damian knew what he was asking. Why else would he say that? 

Leaving was the right choice. It was. Just like putting on the cowl had been the right choice. It still hurt. 

Dick held Damian tighter, even as it felt like the embrace couldn’t go any tighter. He couldn’t say what he actually meant, because if he told Damian he missed it, he would come back, or Damian would come to him, and it would make Dick leaving moot. All that pain, for nothing. So Dick just held Damian, hoping the kid knew what Dick meant to say, like he knew what Dick meant to ask before. 

Just once, Dick wanted the right choice to not hurt. But that was not his life, was it? 

**Author's Note:**

> check out my tumblr (huilian.tumblr.com)


End file.
